5 Communication Tips for Divorcing Couples in Mediation
- Beth Carrier
- Jul 7
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 29
By Beth – Professional Divorce Mediator, PivotPoint Resolutions
Divorce is hard. (Shocking revelation, right?) Even when you’ve both agreed that ending your marriage is the best path forward, emotions can still run high, and communication can quickly become… let’s just say, less than productive.
That’s where mediation comes in. As a divorce mediator, my job is to create a space where you can both feel heard, stay focused on solutions, and keep things from turning into a shouting match or cold silence. But even the best mediator can’t do it all for you — the way you communicate with each other in and outside of mediation sessions makes a big difference.
Here are my five best communication tips for divorcing couples in mediation to help you stay calm, cooperative, and focused on what matters most: building your next chapter.
1. Speak to Be Understood, Not to Win
When emotions are raw, it’s easy to slip into “debate mode,” where everything feels like a battle to be won. But mediation isn’t about proving who’s right; it’s about finding solutions that work for both of you.
Instead of:
“You always put yourself first and never think about anyone else!”
Try:
“It’s important to me that we make a plan where the kids have as much stability as possible.”
Use “I” statements to express your needs and feelings without attacking the other person. It’s a subtle shift, but it keeps the tone constructive and makes it easier for your spouse to actually hear you.
2. Take a Breath (or Ten) Before Responding
We all have triggers — words or tones that set us off. But in mediation, reacting impulsively can derail the progress you’re making. If you feel yourself getting heated, pause. Take a breath. It’s okay to even say,
“I need a moment before I respond to that.”
Your mediator is there to help manage the pace of the conversation, so don’t be afraid to slow things down if you need to.
3. Keep the Kids (and Everyone Else) Out of It
It can be tempting to vent to your kids, your best friend, your mom, or your coworker about how unreasonable your spouse is being. But involving others — especially your children — in your conflict can make communication harder, not easier.
Save the heavy conversations for mediation, and keep your kids out of the middle. Not only is it healthier for them, but it also keeps your co-parenting relationship from suffering more damage than necessary.
4. Focus on the Future, Not the Past
Mediation is not the place to re-litigate everything that went wrong in your marriage. (That’s what your therapist is for — and I highly recommend having one!)
Instead, focus your energy on what you both need to move forward.
“How can we divide the holidays so the kids can enjoy them?”“What’s a fair way to split our retirement accounts?”
The more you can keep the discussion forward-looking, the more productive — and less painful — it will be.
5. Use Your Mediator — That’s What We’re Here For!
If you’re struggling to express something or the conversation starts to spiral, lean on your mediator. We’re trained to help keep things on track and ensure both parties feel heard.
You don’t have to have all the answers or the perfect words. Part of my role is to help translate between you when it feels like you’re speaking different languages — because let’s face it, sometimes you are!
Final Thoughts on communication tips for divorcing couples
Divorce mediation is a chance to take control of your future while minimizing conflict and preserving as much goodwill as possible. It’s not always easy, but with a little patience, some practice, and these communication tips, you can make it through the process with your dignity (and your sanity) intact.
And remember: you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here to guide you every step of the way.
Because your family’s next chapter deserves a peaceful start.
If you’re ready to talk about how mediation can work for you, schedule your free 30-minute consultation here -
