Living Together During Divorce: A Mediator’s Guide to Staying Sane Under One Roof
- Beth Carrier
- Nov 5
- 4 min read
For many couples, “separating” doesn’t mean living in separate homes — at least not right away. With housing costs high and interest rates rising, living together during divorce has become increasingly common. Some do it to avoid financial strain; others want to maintain stability for their children while they work out long-term plans.
This arrangement isn’t easy — emotions run high and routines shift — but with clear boundaries, structure, and support, it can be managed. I’m Beth Carrier, Certified Professional Mediator and founder of PivotPoint Resolutions™, and I’ve helped many couples successfully cohabitate while navigating divorce. This guide outlines practical steps to help you keep the peace at home while preparing for separate lives.
Why Some Couples Choose to Live Together During Divorce
There are two main reasons couples choose to stay under the same roof during divorce:
Financial Practicality
Running two households is expensive — especially with mortgage rates and rent prices at record highs. Staying in the same home allows couples to:
Avoid doubling living costs
Save until moving out is feasible
Delay selling the home until timing improves
Stability for Children
Remaining in one household can provide:
Continuity in school, activities, and daily routines
Time to gradually adjust to upcoming changes
This living arrangement is typically temporary — most couples use it as a bridge while planning for separate housing.
Set Clear Boundaries and Personal Space
When you’re living together during divorce, boundaries are crucial. Establishing household separation helps lower emotional reactivity and frustration.
Consider:
Separate bedrooms or designated personal spaces
Clear privacy agreements (no entering private areas without permission)
Individual downtime or “quiet hours”
Planned alone-time in the home (ex: one person takes the kids to activities while the other has the house to themselves)
The goal is predictable space and intentional distance.
Establish Household Agreements: Chores, Bills & Guests
Creating written agreements prevents unnecessary conflict.
Chores
Divide household responsibilities fairly and clearly.
Write them down
Use a shared calendar, whiteboard, or app
Avoid keeping score — clarity reduces resentment
Finances
Decide how to manage:
Mortgage/rent and utilities
Groceries and shared expenses
Existing joint bank accounts
This can be temporary and flexible, but it must be explicit.
Visitors & Dating
Agree ahead of time about:
Hosting friends or family
Whether advance notice is required
No romantic partners in the shared home — this protects emotional well-being and reduces conflict, especially when children are involved.
Communicate Calmly and Practically
Think of communication as businesslike:
Brief
Respectful
Clear
The BIFF method can help (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm).
When conversations escalate, pause and return later or discuss through your mediator.
If discussing the divorce itself is consistently explosive, agree to no divorce conversations in the home — save them for structured mediation sessions.
Co-Parenting Under One Roof
If you have children, a clear temporary parenting schedule can prevent tension and confusion.
A simple rotating schedule works well:
One parent is “on-duty” certain evenings or days
Responsibilities rotate (bedtime, homework, activities)
A shared calendar keeps expectations predictable
Keep communications and decisions unified in front of the children.
Avoid:
Speaking negatively about the other parent
Using children as messengers
Giving children false hope of reconciliation due to shared housing
Take Care of Yourself (This is Hard — and Temporary)
Self-care is not optional here.Try:
Scheduled time out of the house
Counseling, support groups, or leaning on trusted friends
Exercise, journaling, or mindfulness practices
Small rituals of peace matter — even 10-minute breaks.
Plan for the Future: Create an Exit Timeline
Living together during divorce should be temporary.
Discuss:
When moving into separate homes becomes feasible
Who may remain in the shared home (if applicable)
Whether the home will be sold, refinanced, or bought out
A target timeframe to reassess (example: six months)
Having a timeline creates a sense of progress and stability.
How Mediation Can Support You During This Transition
At PivotPoint Resolutions™, I often help couples create Interim Agreements to support this period of living together while the divorce is in progress. These agreements bring clarity and reduce conflict by outlining how day-to-day life will work during the transition.
Interim agreements can include:
Interim Parenting Plans – clear schedules and responsibilities while co-parenting under one roof
Interim Financial Agreements – who pays which bills, how shared expenses are handled, and how to prevent financial surprises
Interim House Rules – expectations for privacy, communication, household boundaries, and guests
These agreements aren’t about “winning” or “giving in.” They are temporary, flexible guidelines that help keep your household calm, respectful, and steady while long-term decisions are being made.
Closing Thoughts
Living together during divorce is challenging — but it’s also doable with structure, compassion, and support. You’re not doing it because it’s easy. You’re doing it because you’re being thoughtful, resourceful, and intentional.
If you’d like support creating a cohabitation plan that protects your peace, your finances, and your children:
Let’s create your plan to move forward with clarity and stability. Schedule your free 30-minute consultation today, and let’s talk about how we can make this challenging time a little easier — and set you on the path to your next chapter with clarity and peace of mind.
