Dear Friends, Stop Telling People to "Lawyer Up"
- Beth Carrier
- Aug 4
- 2 min read
Why You Should Stop Telling People to “Lawyer Up”
When someone confides they’re going through a divorce, it’s common to hear the phrase:
“You need to lawyer up.”
Friends and family say this out of love, thinking they're offering protection but...Dear friends, stop telling people to lawyer up - this advice often sets the stage for unnecessary conflict, skyrocketing expenses, and emotional exhaustion. Telling people to lawyer up can unintentionally push them into a legal battle they may never have needed.
The Hidden Costs of Lawyering Up
The words “lawyer up” imply preparing for war, not resolution. And that mindset has consequences:
Escalated conflict – Attorneys are trained to advocate fiercely, which can make small disagreements balloon into major disputes.
Financial strain – Divorce litigation often costs tens of thousands of dollars, draining savings that could otherwise support new beginnings.
Damaged relationships – Court battles can destroy co-parenting relationships, making life harder for families with children.
Extended timelines – Litigation can drag on for years, prolonging stress and uncertainty.
While lawyers have an important role, starting with an aggressive stance is rarely the healthiest choice.
How “Lawyer Up” Advice Fuels Conflict
The phrase “lawyer up” sends the message that divorce must be adversarial. Instead of approaching the process collaboratively, both spouses may enter with defenses up and fists clenched. This approach often leads to:
Less communication and more misunderstanding.
Court-imposed solutions instead of agreements made by the couple.
Higher emotional stakes that hurt everyone involved.
A Better Alternative: Divorce Mediation
Mediation offers a far more constructive path and a well-recognized alternative to litigation. Instead of pitting spouses against each other, mediation encourages cooperation to reach mutually beneficial agreements.
With mediation:
You stay in control – Decisions remain with the couple, not a judge.
Costs are predictable – Flat-fee pricing means no runaway legal bills.
Relationships are preserved – Especially important for co-parents who must continue raising children together.
The process moves faster – Couples set the pace, not the court system.
At PivotPoint Resolutions, we specialize in guiding couples through this process in a way that is calm, affordable, and effective.
How to Support Friends Going Through Divorce (Without Saying “Lawyer Up”)
If you truly want to help, choose words that offer comfort, not conflict. Try:
“I’m here for you—whatever you need.”
“Have you looked into mediation? It might be less stressful.”
“You deserve a process that helps you move forward peacefully.”
These suggestions empower your friend to explore better options than an expensive court battle.
Why Mediation Works Better for Most Couples
If you know someone facing divorce, stop telling people to lawyer up and instead encourage them to explore mediation. It’s a better, healthier path forward.
Fair solutions without a fight
Protection for children from unnecessary conflict
Lower stress and faster resolution
Agreements tailored to both parties—not dictated by a judge
For a deeper understanding of how mediation compares to litigation, check out this helpful guide from Nolo.
Ready for a Peaceful Divorce?
You deserve a process that prioritizes your future—not one that tears it apart.
Schedule your free 30-minute consultation today to learn how mediation can work for you.
