The Most Expensive Mistake in Divorce (And How to Avoid It)
- Beth Carrier
- Nov 7
- 3 min read
When people think about divorce, money is often one of the first concerns:
Who keeps the house?
How much will child support be?
What about attorney fees?
But here’s the truth: the most expensive mistake in divorce has nothing to do with the assets.
It has to do with how you handle the very first conversations.
The tone you set at the beginning — calm and solution-focused vs. defensive and adversarial — can impact everything that follows. It affects your financial stability, your emotional well-being, and your ability to co-parent long after the paperwork is done.
The Most Expensive Mistake in Divorce Is Letting Conflict Lead
It is normal to feel hurt, overwhelmed, or angry.
This is a major life transition.
Your emotions make sense.
But when those emotions start directing decisions, things can escalate quickly.
When conflict becomes the tone-setter, you’re essentially writing a blank check to the divorce process. This is where costs skyrocket — not just financially, but emotionally and relationally.
More misunderstandings
More defensiveness
Longer timelines
Higher stress levels
And if you share children, those early patterns affect them most of all.
Why Litigation Gets So Expensive, So Fast
Once attorneys are driving communication, everything becomes billable:
Each email
Each scheduling issue
Each clarification call
Each negotiation point
Court timelines also move slowly — sometimes months, sometimes longer.
And when you litigate, you also lose one of the most important things:
Control.
A judge — someone who does not know your family — makes decisions about your finances, parenting plan, and future.
Even if you “win” in court, you may have spent more than you ever intended — in money, time, and emotional energy.
Most Couples End Up in Mediation Anyway
Here’s something most people don’t realize:
In the majority of states, judges will require you to attempt mediation before you can go to trial.
Which means even if you hire attorneys and head toward litigation, you will very likely still be ordered to mediate before your case is heard in court.
And when that happens, you’re now paying:
Your attorney’s hourly rate
Their attorney’s hourly rate
Plus the cost of the mediator
At that point, mediation hasn’t gotten cheaper — it has simply gotten more expensive because conflict led the way first.
So the real question becomes:
Do you choose mediation early — when it can save time, reduce stress, and preserve communication…or do you end up in mediation later, after months of conflict and thousands of dollars spent?
What This Actually Looks Like in Real Life
Here are two very common paths:
Scenario 1: Conflict Takes Over
A couple starts talking about who will stay in the home.
A text turns sharp.
Someone gets defensive.
One person calls an attorney “just to be safe.”
The other spouse follows suit.
Suddenly:
Every conversation is filtered through two legal professionals
Misunderstandings grow instead of resolving
Bills increase in the background without pause
The process takes months longer than expected
By the end, both people are drained — emotionally and financially — and co-parenting is significantly harder.
Scenario 2: They Choose Mediation Early
Now imagine the same couple — but instead of escalating, they agree to start with mediation.
We meet together (or separately first, if needed).
We slow the conversation down.
We create structure and direction.
Concerns get voiced clearly — without assumption or blame.
The result?
They spend a fraction of what litigation would cost
They move through the process faster
They protect their ability to communicate as co-parents
The emotional toll is dramatically reduced
Same couple. Same challenges.
Completely different outcome — because they set a different tone from the start.
How Mediation Protects Your Future
Mediation creates a neutral, guided space to work through:
Parenting schedules & co-parenting communication
Child and spousal support
Division of property, debt, and retirement accounts
Tax considerations and financial planning
Holiday schedules and transitions
It is:
More private
Faster
And centered on maintaining dignity and respect
Most importantly: you both stay in control of the outcome.
The Bottom Line
The most expensive mistake in divorce is not about who keeps the house or how assets are split.It’s allowing conflict to take over the first conversations.
When you begin with clarity, structure, and support — even in the midst of big emotions — you protect your finances, your peace of mind, and your ability to move forward in a healthier way.
If you’re ready to talk about what a calm, informed, and respectful divorce process can look like — I’m here to help. Schedule your free 30-Min Consultation now.
