Why "Winning" Your Divorce Could Mean Everyone Loses
- Beth Carrier
- Jul 16
- 2 min read
Updated: Aug 1
When you hear the word divorce, what’s the next word that comes to mind? For many people, it’s fight.
It’s no wonder. TV shows, movies, and even well-meaning friends frame divorce as a battle to be won. But here’s the hard truth: when it comes to families — especially when kids are involved — “winning” in divorce court can leave everyone feeling like they’ve lost.
Here’s why that combative mindset can backfire, and what a better approach looks like.
The Myth of Winning
Divorce is emotional. When you’re hurt, angry, or scared, it’s easy to slip into win/lose thinking:
If I get the house, I win.
If I get sole custody, I win.
If they have to pay, I win.
But what does “winning” really mean? A judge ruling in your favor on paper doesn’t magically heal wounds, reduce stress, or make co-parenting easier. And all that fighting comes with steep costs — financially, emotionally, and even physically.
Litigation drags your private life into public court records. It often pits you and your spouse against each other in ways that are hard to recover from later — especially when you still have to co-parent.
And let’s not forget: legal “victories” rarely feel as satisfying as you think they will, because they often come at the expense of your peace of mind, your bank account, and your kids’ well-being.
What You Actually Want: A Fair, Sustainable Outcome
Here’s what most people truly want when they strip away the noise:
Stability for their kids.
A sense of fairness.
The ability to move on with dignity and some peace.
You’re not just dividing stuff — you’re making decisions that will shape your family’s future for years to come. The goal isn’t to “beat” the other parent — it’s to create a plan you can both live with (and stick to) long after the ink dries.
How Mediation Helps Everyone Win
That’s where mediation comes in.
Instead of leaving everything up to a judge who doesn’t know your family, mediation keeps you and your spouse in control of the process. Together — with my guidance — you work through the tough decisions in a confidential, structured, and less adversarial way.
It saves you money (because let’s face it, lawyers and court fees add up fast).
It saves you time (because court calendars don’t exactly move quickly).
It preserves relationships (because you’ll still have to see each other at soccer games and graduations).
Most of all, it keeps the focus on what actually matters: building a stable future for you and your kids, not punishing each other for the past.
Divorce doesn’t have to feel like a war. You don’t have to “win” at your spouse’s expense. You just need to work toward an outcome that works — for everyone.
If you’re ready to take the first step toward a fairer, healthier divorce, let’s talk.
